Saturday, May 1, 2010

If I were a bell

I was really inspired by Jennifer and Zach as well as Justin's Candy Corn Stripper reference to Officer Krupke, and I considered singing you all a song for my paper presentation; however, I couldn't come up with anything to sing that would be relevant to my paper. Ha.. hmm anyway, here's my creative contribution (not from Westside Story, but from Guys and Dolls) purely for fun as it is entirely unrelated to the course.

Well nevermind I guess. I recorded a really awesome (dorky) broadway song for you, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to put it up on my blogsite.

Transmuting the Four Quartets

Jennie Lynn Stanley
LIT436
Final Paper
April 28th, 2010

Transmuting the Four Quartets by Adding the Reader

Written in four parts, T.S. Eliot’s Four Quartets represents the four elements that constitute the universe: fire, air, water, and earth. Eliot organizes these elements untraditionally, moving from air to earth, water to fire. Each quartet, as it engages one of these building blocks of life, contributes to the creation of the Four Quartets as a whole. However, though Eliot’s poems stand visibly complete and seem immutable in the pages that have been published, his poems undergo a transmutation unique to each and every reading and rereading enacted.
With the first reading, Eliot’s Four Quartets strike beauty on the ear, modeling perfection in each syllable, each flick of the tongue. Despite the perfection apparent on the page, the initial reading only provides a vague, far-off sense of perfection, for one cannot get to the heart of experiencing the perfection of the poems before engaging oneself with the poems. At this level of removed, outside observation a reader can only sense a semblance of perfection and note its existence.
Also in this initial approach to the Four Quartets, it is highly unlikely that a reader should be able to understand Eliot’s poems with any legitimate profundity. This is not meant as a jab towards readers in general, but rather follows the insightful observation of Vladimir Nabokov:
A good reader, a major reader, an active and creative reader is a rereader. And I shall tell you why. When we read a book for the first time the very process of laboriously moving our eyes from left to right, line after line, page after page, this complicated physical work upon the book, the very process of learning in terms of space and time what the book is about, this stands between us and artistic appreciation . . . In reading a book, we must have time to acquaint ourselves with it.” (3)
After having read the Four Quartets but once, a reader cannot possibly move beyond the complex structural elements of time and space to get at the heart of what Eliot says. In every first reading, the structures of the piece smother the mind, forcing the reader to operate initially from a very basic (or base), fragmented grounding. For this reason, we must reread to solidify our grounding, thereby shoring up the capacity to engage oneself in the text. Though undesirable in the long run, one must not fear baseness, the point at which a piece of literature seems daunting and foreign to one’s mind; rather, a reader must continue to read and reread, for “from the blackened and disintegrated base elements spring the higher elements” (Graham 205). If it were not for these base beginnings, these moments of confusion and abstruseness, higher elements would have no hope at all. Without a point of origin, there can be no forward movement, no improvement, no purification.
And so the reader must begin at the bottom of the ladder with tenacity. He must embrace himself in this baseness and reread with the aim of becoming better. As a reader reads, he notices the pattern, not only of beauty and perfection, but of structure. He sees that the Four Quartets on the page operate as a progression of elements. Each quartet, an individual movement, builds toward the larger movement of the collective work; as each section dies away, another comes to life. Bradbury explains, “Each element lives in the death of others, which appear in successive rebirths” (256). Upon categorizing the space, time, and in this case the elements that govern the poems, a reader can move ahead.
Becoming thus acquainted with Eliot’s words, the reader see more each time he returns to reread. He begins to discover nuances and to make new discoveries with every approach. At this stage, the Four Quartets begins to nest itself in the reader’s mind. The words lodge themselves here or there, and the reader begins to absorb the essence of the poems into himself. Suddenly the Four Quartets exist, not on the simple pages of a book, but within a mind. Having settled down in a new home, the poems begin to shift and rotate, and they begin the process of transmutation.
With the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth readings of the Four Quartets, the reader remembers and dwells upon the metered phrases as they lounge in his mind. And still, even now, as the reader begins to commit the words to memory, he cannot break through the unexplainable haze that looms in the way of him arriving at clarity in understanding the poems. Because of the nature of the task at hand, the reader knows he must resolve to again revisit Eliot’s prose. So he speaks them yet again:
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden. My words echo
Thus, in your mind. (Eliot: Burnt Norton 11-15)
This time, just barely into the first few lines of Burnt Norton, he finally gets it, and he exclaims ecstatically, “We! Your mind, my mind!” He sees that Eliot’s words matter to him not only because they are beautiful, but because they are personal. The cordial invitation, “we”, prompts a relationship to bud between the reader and Eliot. Knowing now that he plays an integral role in the poems’ meanings, the reader embarks on the task of trying to discover where and how Eliot’s words fit into his life. This marks a critical step in transmuting the Four Quartets into its form as it will be understood from this reading.
For all the alchemists, there were just four elements — earth, air, fire and water. Each of these elements was distinguished by a combination of two of the characteristics: hot, cold, moist, and dry. More complicated bodies were a combination of some or all of the four elements in different proportions along with a fifth component the quinta essentia which constituted its unique distinguishing characteristic. Transmutation was postulated by the substitution of one characteristic for another, but in order to reproduce or transmute compounds, the alchemist had first to discover and isolate the quintessence.” (Graham 199)
And so the reader, in an effort to provide the Four Quartets with that fifth element of himself, that “quinta essentia”, must delve into the depths of his own life. Once the reader knows himself well enough, he can then add his own meaning and experience to the Four Quartets and thereby assist in transforming the poems into “more complicated bodies”, giving life to the poems by sharing his “vital persuasive fluid substance [which] penetrat[es] and animat[es] all things” (Chalmers 1032). According to Walters, a person naturally possesses a certain divinity absent in inanimate objects. He writes, “The quintessence (a term used by the alchemists to denote sometimes the transmuting agent and at other times, especially in alchemico-medical treatises, the seed of perfection within each substance) is merely another name for the ‘Spirit of the Living God’ . . . the ‘magic art’ is not finally concerned with physical objects, but ‘ascends by the light of Nature to the light of Grace, and the last end of it is truly theological” (108). The reader endows the book with divinity or with Walter’s “’magic art’ [which] is not finally concerned with physical objects,” thereby acting as the critical agent for its metamorphosis, which would otherwise go unrealized.
Once the reader has contributed the fifth element to assist in the metamorphosis of the poems, the Four Quartets arrives at its completeness. This completion cannot be realized without consumption by a reader nor without the addition of the reader. Without a mind to absorb Eliot’s words and draw their meaning into understanding, Eliot’s words remain delegated to the base task of occupying space on an otherwise empty page. In reading the Four Quartets, a reader assists in its transmutation into the form that is unique to his own reading of it. By allowing himself, and the quinta essentia he shares with all other living beings, to become part of the movement, he enables the Four Quartets to undergo a transmutation into something that is meaningful and momentously practical to his own life.


Works Cited:
Bradbury, John M. “’Four Quartets’: The Structural Symbolism.” The Sewanee Review 59.2 (1951): 254-270.
Chalmers, Gordon Keith. “Effluvia, the History of a Metaphor.” ¬PMLA 52.4 (1937): 1031-1050.
Eliot, T.S. Four Quartets. San Diego: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Publishers, 1943.
Graham, Victor E. “Proust’s Alchemy.” The Modern Language Review 60.2 (1965): 197-206.
Nabokov, Vladimir. Lectures on Literature. New York: Harcourt Books, 1982.
Walters, Richard H. “Henry Vaughan and the Alchemists.” The Review of English Studies 23.90 (1947): 107-122.







Postscript:
I had a very difficult time reconciling the fact that I was writing a more traditional academic paper after hearing stories, songs, and such from my peers. I thought to myself, "Oh crap, maybe I should be doing that." After a lot of thought and several calls to my friend Anna, (and after the below attempt to transform the topic of my paper into a tale), I realized that though it would probably be more entertaining to write a story, it was my sacred duty to write an academic paper. I won't forever be writing papers, and I realized that when summer rolls around, I likely won't sit down to my computer to analyze Eliot, Bradbury, Chalmers, Nabokov, etc. Instead I might write in the former manner, writing creatively, a tale or something fun. I'm SO glad I made the decision I did, because every time I write a paper, I take away something new. It's gratifying and reinforcing to see how one can pull all sorts of information together towards one point. If you're interested here's where I was going when I was having my crisis about my paper:


There once was a little boy with bright blue eyes who gasped for air to feel what it felt like within him. He tasted the air and thought that on this summer day, the air was quite hot. He felt the air with a swish of his hand, and felt too that, on this day, the air was dry. He looked at the earth and saw that it was moist. He dug his fingernails in and felt that it was quite cold. He walked down to the lake and dipped his toe in. My! how cold and how moist. The little boy built a fire and held his hand near, sensing the dry heat.
At the end of all of this, the little boy with bright blue eyes then pondered himself in the mirror and pinched his own skin. It was warm and sticky, for there were tears. He remembered a riddle his mother used to tell him. That night, he sat up and watched the faint star on which he knew she lived. He murmured to himself:

The air is in the earth; the air lies o’er the sea.
The air blows o’er the sea and land, and feeds the everlasting fire.
And you, my son, are somewhere in between.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Four Elements and the Quinta Essentia

My paper presentation

As you already know I am working with the transmutation of Eliot's Four Quartets through our reading of them. One could argue that Eliot's words are not in need of purification or any sort of transmutation for that matter; however, I have realized that while this may be true, Eliot's words lie on the page meaningless until they are read, under which process transmutation (via interpretation, etc.) inevitably takes place. One cannot prevent this interpretation and addition of meaning when one reads a piece.

I also want to clarify that I am reading not Kenneth Grahame but Victor Graham. I am working with his article, "Proust's Alchemy," from which I am gleaning information on alchemy, helping to contributes to my musings on the idea of transmutation and/or purification.

Last post

The past few nights at work, I have found myself singing, loudly, passionately, but also absentmindedly. I'm not really listening to the music I'm making, or even consciously making it; rather, it's just a vent.
I usually do sing a lot, but never at work (obviously.) Last night I was cleaning the toilets and belting out some Guys & Dolls. It must have been really echoing through the office (as most bathrooms do) because Reid poked his head into the girls' bathroom and just smirked at me with funny eyes. I was sitting on the floor with the clorox beside me, a dripping rag, and the scrubby brush.
"Oh hi" I said nonchalantly, getting back to my scrubbing. Then his face came clearer to me, and I realized what I was doing. I was spewing these clamorous noises from my mouth, sitting on a dirty bathroom floor, and yet I was entirely absorbed in my mind. This may sound strange, but I believe I was experiencing some form of catharsis. For me, the music was just a way to release any sort of emotional expression. Never before have I felt that I am so haphazardly chasing endlessly escaping goals. Like John said earlier in the semester, I just need there to be more hours in the day. Rawr. I guess that's what Poldy might say if he were a stronger lion.

Today in Ulysses, we'll be discussing the final periodless episode, Penelope. As I have been reading it, I haven't been able to stop laughing because I just feel even more discombobulated and lost in a mire of chasing down thoughts that just melt into each other.

Anyhow, all I really wanted to say is that I truly admire those students who have children on top of everything else, and who still manage to get through college. I think Jennifer is a true model of someone so dedicated, so busy, and still so successful in class. By the way, her "I dreamed a dream" today was beautiful! I just closed my eyes and remembered every other time I have heard that song (a definite favorite.) It is such a moving song. I think it is important that Jennifer helped me to remember this song from other places, other times.

As the last bit of the semester is coming full circle, I now must try to "unweave, unwind, unravel" my mind. Only four papers to go, and two exams. Thanks to everyone in the class who has contributed wonderful content to the class via blogs and presentations. I always send interesting blogs on to my friend Anna who reads them and calls me about them. Anyhow, I think it's good to remember that this content goes out to the public, and we are not the only ones reading it! In some ways, you could say we are "nourishing the life (not too far from the yew tree) of significant soil."


Here's one song I've been humming around in my head (It's so dorky! and low-brow, but it's oh so fun):

When you see a guy reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that he's doing it for some doll.
When you spot a John waiting out in the rain
Chances are he's insane as only a John can be for a Jane.
When you meet a gent paying all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal.
Call it sad, call it funny.
But it's better than even money
That the guy's only doing it for some doll.
When you see a Joe saving have of his dough
You can bet there'll be mink in it for some doll.
When a bum buys wine like a bum can't afford
It's a cinch that the bum is under the thumb of some little broad.
When you meet a mug lately out of the jug
And he's still lifting platinum folderol
Call it hell, call it heaven
But it's probable twelve to seven
That the guy's only doing it for some doll.

When you see a sport and his cash has run short
Make a bet that he's banking it with some doll.
When a guy wears tails with the front gleaming white
Who the hell do you think he's tickling pink on Saturday night?
When a lazy slob takes a goody steady job,
And he smells from vitalis and barbasol.
Call it dumb, call it clever
Ah, but you can get odds forever
That the guy's only doing it for some doll
Some doll, some doll
The guy's only doing it for some doll.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

222


Well I wrote down all the capital letters (in order) from my page and decoded them. Silly, I realize. But nonetheless, I enjoyed it:
ALL MT SA J MC J SOM SSOON DRV LMN TT BMP BTRRN MUMTS RWN MD PPPP WWW ACFS ME BG PHH TADAS

which I translate into:
All Montana saw J make J some soon drive lemons till the bump between mumps rowing mad papapapa will will will accost me. Beg. Phh! Tada!s

On a more "real" note: My page is full of music, song, full of "melodiotiosities." I also noticed inklings of Nabokov's seaside girls, "maidykins in undiform" and "those first girly stirs, with zitterings of flight released and twinglings of twitchbells in rondel after, with waverings that made shimmershake rather naightily all the duskcended airs and shylit beacongings from shehind hims back."
I also think of Tinkerbell with the shimmershake and twinglings.
"Evelings" in context seems to mean evenings, but it reminds me of Eve. At the top of my page it says, "in the beginning" which could potentially solidify the Eve reference. Also, "an argument follows" as if the apple has been eaten.

In the center of the page, Joyce talks about transformation, which reminds me a great deal of "met him pike hoses" from Ulysses, better known as metempsychosis, the transmigration of the soul.
The Bearded Mountain: I am intrigued, but entirely at a loss.
Lots of french as well on this page.
I see the image of a lighthouse in the "beaconings" or beckoning sweeps of light.
"Catastrophear" for some reason brings me to King Lear. also the obvious: catastrophe. Maybe the catastrophic end of Lear.
River Romps to Nursery: This reminds me of Anna Livia, Anna Liffey, slipping back into the river to resume the cycle, which would inevitably lead her back to a nursery.

For some reason, at the beginning of the semester, I disliked my page and wanted to switch. But the more and more I am familiar with the page, the better I like it.

And for anyone who was in the Nabokov class, the RAYNBOW page is 226.

Tomorrow is our group presentation! Get ready . . . it's going to be a gas.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Six Bardos

I'm working on my capstone paper currently, and I just wanted to thank Tyler for mentioning the bardo in class today. My paper deals with the process of arriving at "the still point" through the stages of life, which the concept of the bardos is really helping me to clarify!
I also called my dad, as he studies Buddhism, and he helped me out a bit.

Also . . . the other night at the filming of Finnegans Wake, Dr. Sexson asked me exactly what my job is. I photograph weddings. So this is primarily for Dr. Sexson, but here's what I do if you're curious. This is a wedding I photographed last summer up at Springhill Pavilion. And you would never know it but there was a crazy rainfall bordering on flash flood for about 10 minutes just before the wedding.
http://www.blubirdimages.com/showcase/GuttagAlbum1/

p.s. if you watch the book, you might want to mute the song!. i don't like it myself.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

anima mundi


I found this really great article that deals with the anima mundi while working on my capstone paper. Thought I'd post it here for anyone interested.

http://www.goldensufi.org/a_animamundi.html


Anima Mundi, or the Worldsoul, from Thurneisser zum Thurn, Quinta Essentia, (Leipzig: 1574

Monday, April 5, 2010

Presentation Preview: Group 1



Box of Rain Video - sorry I had to remove the embedded version because I couldn't stand the fact that it just plays without permission.

Class Notes for sam

NOTES FOR SAM

“Turning” by Lynda Sexson produced by the BBC - available throughout England
Mythology as bedrock: the origin of all stories:
3 old women - 3 furies, 3 fates, frau Bauman, Schmidt, Schwartz

Baxter Tues April 6th. Wear all black and a mask if you so desire. 6pm-9pm.
10 people from Emergent Lit will be there
6 from Capstone
Sounds like Emergent Lit class will go first, capstone class last.

Wednesday - prep for Friday test.
Bring a question.

By Monday April 12th, post a paragraph on your blog about your paper topic/thesis.

The Following Story: culminating text for the class.
Focus on p. 39, 48-9, 53 (transformation), 55 (holy life), 64 (memory), 89 (Herman as Socrates), 98 (the world is a never-ending cross-reference), 106 (importance of stories),
• First part - goes to sleep in Amsterdam and wakes up in Lisbon
• Second part - on a boat into the afterlife; child, pilot, priest, journalist
the journey from one state of being into another - being into death-
Time is warped - the book is 2 secs long “What sort of time can this be in which time stands still?”

Santiago de Compostela - pilgrimage - we are all leaving/we are all arriving
“The only constant we know is that things change.”

Weighing in on The Following Story:
-Sarah Knox: Mirrors: (right out of Borghes) p. 36 Nooteboom
-Douglas Fejes: p. 50 question of tenses . . . “Tell me exactly what you think we are then . . . endlessly altering circumstances which we consider as I.”
-Jennifer is reminded of Samuel Beckett
-James the rat - 20 min. lifetime: he’s not really dying because he’s been dead the whole time. (Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge - the story happens in his moment of death/hanging)
-Lisa Hiller - the difference between silence and storytelling - via dreams, via consciousness, outward storytelling/ verbal. (p136)

Events only become experiences when we reflect/write/read about them. - Henry James

Death of Socrates: p89—condemned for corrupting morals of students in Athens—what would I gain by clinging to life like an unwilling child?—One’s life is complete at every moment therefore hemlock taken now is no different than if taken later—
p115: not my soul, but my body . . .

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Matrices



I do remember learning matrices in math class, but I do not remember how to solve them. All I remember is that they were frustrating because I had to follow all sorts of specific sets of rules, which varied depending on whether you were multiplying or adding the matrix, etc., that somehow led me to some unjustifiable answer.
Also, I think the caption beside the matrix at the left is quite comical, because this is exactly how I was taught matrices. "Just memorize the rules; they're special." No telling you this is why . . . and therefore I have forgotten.

I found myself


Quite a while ago, Jon blogged about finding the word 'born' on his birthday page 274, no less 88 letters into the line (born in 1988.) To be honest, I sort of laughed and thought, OK he's stretching it a bit, but it sort of works . . . I suppose.
But now I can't laugh anymore! because I happened upon myself in Ulysses (wrong book, I know.) On page 225 (my birthday, though it's Americanized 2/25 rather than 25/2) Joyce included my namesake, Jenny Lind the Swedish Nightingale (line 699.)

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Flashes Before Your Eyes

I am a LOST fanatic. However, I am a relatively new lost fanatic; therefore, I am only to season 3. I just watched the episode below. What are the chances? The episode deals with deja vu, eternal return, rewriting history . . . Not to mention that Hugo finds Nabokov's Laughter in the Dark in Sawyer's stuff. Sawyer has the best taste in literature, aside from his obsession with overly sultry magazines.

And if you haven't already, I recommend becoming a Lost fanatic. BUT! you have to watch it sequentially from the very beginning. It is not permissible to view episodes at random as it is with other tv series. This being said, I still will post Episode 3.8 below for your viewing pleasure. For the sake of the class, my rule may be broken.

Like Dr. Sexson said, the island theme is modeled directly after Shakespeare's The Tempest. But also, a few episodes ago, I saw the resurrection scene reenacted. Mr. Echo (fitting name) rolls away a large stone from the entrance to a crashed plane to find his brother's dead body gone.

P.S. It is no accident that Desmond's girlfriend's name is Penelope.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

20 minute lifetime in "Taming of a Shrew"

In "Taming of a Shrew," a lord plays a trick on Christopher Sly (a drunken tinker and beggar.) Finding him passed out by an alehouse, the lord orders his servants take him, dress him in fine clothes, and tell him he is a lord when he wakes up. One of the servants, Bartholomew, dresses up in female attire and acts as his wife and lady. The actual lord then has a troupe of Players put on entertainment, during which Sly falls asleep. The lord says:
My lord's
Asleep again: go take him easily up,
And put him in his own apparel again,
And lay him in the place where we did find him,
Just underneath the alehouse side below,
But see you wake him not in any case.

When Sly reawakes, he has the following conversation with the Tapster who was unaware of his brief sojourn:

SLY
Sim, gi's some more wine. What's all the players gone?
Am not I a lord?

TAPSTER
A lord with a murrain. Come, art thou drunken still?

SLY
Who's this? Tapster? O Lord, sirrah, I have had the bravest dream tonight that ever thou heardest in all thy life.

TAPSTER
Ay, marry, but you had best get you home, for your wife will course you for dreaming here tonight.

SLY
Will she? I know now how to tame a shrew.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Vico road, Dalkey.



Stephen's lesson on Pyrrhus (Ulysses 20).

Vico, Giambattista: via Wiki
"Vico argues in the Scienza Nuova that civilization develops in a recurring cycle (ricorso) of three ages: the divine, the heroic, and the human. Each age exhibits distinct political and social features and can be characterized by master tropes or figures of language. The giganti of the divine age rely on metaphor to compare, and thus comprehend, human and natural phenomena. In the heroic age, metonymy and synecdoche support the development of feudal or monarchic institutions embodied by idealized figures. The final age is characterized by popular democracy and reflection via irony; in this epoch, the rise of rationality leads to barbarie della reflessione or barbarism of reflection, and civilization descends once more into the poetic era. Taken together, the recurring cycle of three ages – common to every nation – constitutes for Vico a storia ideale eterna or ideal eternal history."

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Liss liss o liss


"Ahem! There's Ada, Bett, Celia, Delia, Ena, Fretta, Gilda, Hilda, Ita, Jess, Katty, Lou, (they make me cough as sure as I read them) Mina, Nippa, Opsy, Poll, Queeniee, Ruth, Saucy, Trix, Una, Vela, Wanda, Xenia, Yva, Zulma, Phoebe, Thelma. And Mee!" (147).

Why does he end the alphabet with xyz . . . pt and mee. that makes 29 rather than 26 letters.
And before he lisss off his alphabet of names, Joyce writes, "And my waiting twenty classbirds, sitting on their stiles! Let me finger their eurhythmytic. And you'll see if I'm selfthought. They're all of them out to please. Wait! In the name of. And all the holly. And some the mistle and it Saint Yves. Hoost!"

But there's not 20 classbirds, there are 28. I think I'm missing the point.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Groundhog Day-feb2

I woke up with a jolt to say the least. I am usually not too deep a sleeper come about 6am, but Feb 2 was different. It was 8am, and Reid, holding our cat Gosu, said, "I missed class!" I had intended to get up at 6 with him in honor of Groundhog day, but both of us slept straight through his alarm. After talking to Sam, I realize I am 1/2 way redeemed because I woke at 8 to honor Bloomsday (even though that's Jun16.)? Anyhow, I made myself a breakfast sandwich like i do every morning - 2 eggs, 2 pieces bacon, 1 bagel. Then, I sat down with coffee and did a few hours of homework. 19th c. british literature at 11am. I parked on 3rd street where i always park, slipped a few times on the icy sidewalks where no one shovels the snow, and then talked about binaries in "The Coming Race" for 1.25 hrs. After class my shakespeare group met on a porch on 13th street and read Much ado about nothing outloud. my feet froze. Gave 2 people rides back to campus. Visited the bookstore to purchase more texts for class. Someone tried to be overly helpful.
Drove home. by this time it is nearly 2pm. Reid and i went to laparilla for a blackwater bayou and 1jambalaya, always the same. they knew what he wanted before he ordered. then to smiths for the atm machine. then home again. had a long conversation about careers and how on earth we were to make use of our majors (his being physics, mine obviously being lit.) I then read ulysses for a few hours before receiving a text message from abby asking if i was at sams yet. at 7pm we met at sams to watch the skin of our teeth over a few glasses of malbec, and to be reminded that today was just yesterday all over again. we watched sabina run the show and discussed how inordinately funny it would be if the actors could ever actually make the audience truly believe that the entire cast had fallen ill due to food poisoning. Olie watched sam's feet and growled and barked. Copper snuggled with abby and by the end of the play was in bliss with a wonderful mohawk hairdo. then sutter taught us about ineluctable modality, diaphane and adiaphane, snotgreen - the mother inside of us, and all in only 1 paragraph! the beginning of proteus, stephen's walk by the water.
sutter and sam gifted me my very own copy of finnegans wake that i can write in! THANk YOU.
Drove home with 1 headlight - need to get that fixed. Read more ulysses and shakespeare. went to bed.
And after all that, i still didn't get everything done I needed to get done.
Happy anniversary Dr. Sexson

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Brown Gods

"I was grateful for her company, even though my river was too brown for her liking. 'You can imagine all that's been dumped into it'" (Nooteboom 32).

"I do not know much about gods; but I think that the river is a strong brown god . . . reminder of what men choose to forget" (Eliot 35).

Initially I did not understand why (aside from geographical reasons) the river was a strong brown god. Yes, waters are strong; waters are god-like and extremely powerful in the form of a river; but why brown? Like I said, I realize rivers are muddied from the earth. But I like this new way of looking at a river as the gauge of how well one has muddied one's own life. It's good to get dirty.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Bedroom Inventory Upon Waking

When I wake up, there always lingers a moment of blurry consciousness—an in between state when my senses turn on but I don't quite have the presence of mind to open my eyes quite yet. Then, once I do have that presence of mind, I choose not to open them, but pull the comforters in close. This is my favorite time of day (unless of course I did not go to bed early enough.) At this point, my senses all begin to register stimuli. Usually a pair of warm arms encircles me to say good morning. I suddenly realize the dim light on my brown bedside chest. After that, the alarm's chimes, which are too soft to actually wake you up) become audible. Reid's sister gave us this alarm clock for Christmas, and it simulates sunrise. The light begins to gradually fade into the room about 30 minutes prior to the time for which I actually set the alarm. It's really wonderful. Back to the waking senses: I hear a very high-pitched meow from the crevice at the bottom of our door. It is Gosu, our kitty. And then a more standard meow hits the air from the mouth of Thizzle. Then, depending on the day, one or both flying cats bellyflop against the door voraciously. I laugh, and emotions become part of my day. I slip out of Reid's warmth to shower. The white sheets slide off of me and the cold air hits me with a barrage of goosebumps. The grey carpet pile is deep and brushes between my toes. And then, all I hear and see is water until breakfast. Breakfast happens to be the same every morning. Bagel sandwiches with 2 eggs and 2 pieces of bacon. As Reid says, it's about everything you could ever want all in one little package. It is SO good. Especially with coffee. I get extraordinarily excited about it.

Rewind a little.
If, in fact, I did not go to bed at a reasonable hour (which happens more than I would prefer) then the first thing I really see, feel, hear, taste, smell is water, just water everywhere. I hear the gush of noise pour through the pipes and then the dispersing funnels of the showerhead whisper at me. The air smells thick. I see shimmers light the air. And the world is humid and wet, and somehow it feels as if little grains of sand spatter my skin.
Then, of course, clothes, kitty snuggles, the news, and breakfast (same as above.)

p.s.
this is Gosu. with nabokov in the corner.






and this is Thizzle. literally hanging out in the window